


Even in Our Next Lives

by Bamboo_Wick



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, But mostly Tubbo, DreamXD is also there, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I might change the title later idk, Lots of Hurt, Major Character Death but they come back to life so it’s okay I guess, Michael is there but he doesn't have a character tag Sadge, Reincarnation, Slow Burn, Strap yourselves in because it's going to be a long boi, This is my first work on ao3 and in general so please tell me if I do something wrong, Tubbo and Ranboo centric, Unreliable Narrator is Unreliable, not beta read we die like tommy in prison, they're platonic husbands your honor, will add more tags as it progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:40:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29905395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bamboo_Wick/pseuds/Bamboo_Wick
Summary: “Done with your goodbyes yet? Good, good. Here we go now!” The god swiped his hand across the air and a translucent keyboard and screen appeared. Tubbo watched in fascination as he began rapidly typing in code that he had never seen before. He couldn’t catch most of it because the letters were backwards from his angle but he caught a few words like “export” and “reincarnate.” Before he had any time to process what those words might entail, the world went black for the second time that day.----------------------------A Tubbo and Ranboo-centric reincarnation AU(It's all intended to be platonic, even if some lines may seem suggestive or something)
Relationships: Jschlatt & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 12
Kudos: 88





	1. The End of the Beginning (First Life)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tubbo felt cold and tired. Well, he couldn’t feel too much in general at the moment but he did know that a bone-deep weariness had settled throughout his body and his eyelids closed in response. His thick Snowchester coat stuck to the skin of his stomach, drenched with an unknown warm liquid. As his awareness faded in and out, he could feel a warmth radiating around him, clutching him close to someone’s chest. Tubbo could barely make out panicked reassurances from the person, the hands around him trembling.
> 
> Or: Tubbo gets injured and he's not sure if he's going to make it or not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter here because it's essentially just the prologue. Not very happy with this chapter, not gonna lie. It feels really rushed to me but I can't be bothered to fix it if I actually want to ever get to finishing this beast of a story. The next chapters will be much better and much longer so please read the second chapter when it come out before deciding to drop this fic or not. Anyways enjoy!

Tubbo felt cold and tired. Well, he couldn’t feel too much in general at the moment but he did know that a bone-deep weariness had settled throughout his body and his eyelids closed in response. His thick Snowchester coat stuck to the skin of his stomach, drenched with an unknown warm liquid. As his awareness faded in and out, he could feel a warmth radiating around him, clutching him close to someone’s chest. Tubbo could barely make out panicked reassurances from the person, the hands around him trembling.

Vaguely, Tubbo heard a _whoosh_ of air and sensed the presence of a new arrival.

“Oh ho ho! What do we have here hmm? Our poor little Tubbo seems to be fading from this world,” an enthusiastic voice perked up. _Who is that?_ Tubbo doesn’t think that he had ever heard that voice on the server before.

“ _Get away from him!_ ” another voice--the one holding him--growled at the first, “What are you even doing here DreamXD? Why get involved and show up now of all times?” The voice sounded worn out and so very familiar.

 _DreamXD?_ Tubbo had only ever heard of him before in whispers between other members of the SMP. A god. _The god_ of the server. Above even Dream. But why was he here?

“The SMP has been quite boring lately without dear old Tommy. We can’t have another main character dying on us now, can we?” DreamXD went on, ignoring the familiar voice. “Hmm, hmm, hmm. It’s been boring, oh so boring. Ranboo, Mr. Boo, any ideas? What to do, what to do.” DreamXD buzzed.

The mention of Tommy sent a painful pang through Tubbo’s chest. Tommy had died a few months ago--for real this time--and Tubbo still had a Tommy-sized hole in his heart that could never be filled. Not anymore. Even though he had been forced to mourn his best friend’s supposed death two times before, it had never gotten easier. Unaware of his inner turmoil, the two others continued talking.

“You could heal him then, I know you have the power to do that,” Ranboo pleaded to the god. “Have some imagination Ranboo! Where’s the creativity? Just healing him is no fun,” Tubbo could hear the pout in his voice. Ranboo saw red.

“ _Fun?_ This may be a game to you XD, but to us this is our _lives,_ ” Ranboo bit out, pulling Tubbo closer to him, “So I apologize for not being _fun_ when my husband is _bleeding to death_ in my arms.”

“Apology not accepted, spoilsport. Y’see, this is why we can’t have nice things on this server. _Tsk, tsk._ ” Tubbo could imagine the god waggling his finger at Ranboo scoldingly. Ranboo started to shake with barely restrained anger, the tremors lightly coursing through Tubbo. Scared that Ranboo would do something he might regret, Tubbo attempted to move his unresponsive body, letting out a groan from the effort and the shot of pain in his stomach. He only managed to tilt his head further into Ranboo’s chest but Ranboo stilled at the movement, cutting off whatever rash response he was about to give the god. His attention immediately turned to the small boy in his embrace.

“Hey Bee, you with us?” Ranboo put a gentle hand on Tubbo’s cheek and Tubbo finally opened his eyes. He felt himself relax at the sight of his husband’s face even though his smile was a thin, obviously strained line and his eyes seemed shinier than usual.

“-nboo?” Tubbo tried speaking, but his tongue felt like lead in his mouth and his body seemed to be getting heavier. “‘S goin’ on?”

“Look who finally decided to wake up! Though it may not be for long at this rate.” Tubbo averted his gaze from his husband to the god standing-- _floating_ right beside them. He took a moment to study him.

DreamXD didn’t look human. His head and arms were disconnected from his body, floating near where they should be attached and Tubbo didn’t see any legs beneath the intricately embroidered green robes that he had donned. He was also quite small, about Tubbo’s size. The only similarity between him and the other Dream was the white slate of a mask that he wore, though his had an _XD_ across the front rather than a smiley face. He seemed like more of a child’s drawing than a real being.

He looked so unthreatening but his presence screamed _danger_ and _power._

At DreamXD’s last comment, Ranboo tensed up again. “If you don’t want him to die so badly, then why won’t you just heal him? This is beyond anything golden apples or health potions can fix but it’s not beyond you! _Please._ This is his last life and you know it.” _Beyond golden apples or health potions? Now that I think about it, what is wrong with me?_

Now that he had opened his eyes, Tubbo decided to look down at himself and see what had actually happened to him. As his gaze landed on his own body, his eyes bulged in terror. The lower half of his body was cut off at the waist, his legs resting a few inches away from their rightful place attached to him. A queasy feeling overtook Tubbo and he had to bite back the bile rising from his throat. He let out a shaky _oh god._

“I guess someone skipped leg day,” DreamXD chuckled to himself, the action looking _wrong_ as his floating head moved with laughter. The joke didn’t even register in Tubbo’s brain as he stared dully in shock at the blood leaking from his body at an alarming rate and staining the snow around them crimson.

“DreamXD _please,_ ” Ranboo tried again, not being able to stand the apathy in Tubbo’s eyes as he watched himself die, “You can take my life in his place or something, just don’t let him die.” Tubbo jolted at the suggestion. “Ranboo _no--_ ” He was cut off by another laugh from XD.

“‘Til death do us part huh? Weren’t those the vows you two took? You’ve just given me a very interesting idea indeed. Yes. Yes, this will do nicely,” the god mumbled to himself, vibrating with excitement. “I have come up with an ultimatum!”

Ranboo and Tubbo looked at the god nervously. DreamXD moved towards them and leaned in closer, staring--or at least Tubbo assumed he was--right into Tubbo’s eyes. “You will die.”

Ranboo’s heart plummeted. Before he could say anything else and plead once again for Tubbo’s safety, the god disappeared. Ranboo felt empty.

“It’s alright Boo.” Ranboo closed his eyes and buried his face into Tubbo’s soft hair. He didn’t want to hear this. _It could never be alright._

“I’ve… I’ve lived longer than I ever expected to. I had accepted death a long time ago,” It was true. Ever since Schlatt he had been prepared to die. For his country. For Tommy. There were so many times that he thought would be his last and he had learned to find peace with that, the closest time to it actually happening being when he and Tommy had fought Dream for the discs for the final battle. He had given himself up, fully ready to be killed before the others burst through the nether portal to save them and detain Dream. _He had been ready but…_ “But I don’t want to go.”

 _Shit._ He was meant to be reassuring Ranboo, but once he had started, the fear of his reality took over and he couldn’t stop.

“I was fine with...with dying before. I was almost hoping for it. But now I have you and I have Michael and I don’t want to leave.” Ranboo ignored the burning of tears that slid down his face like acid as he listened to his husband pour out his heart and he tried not to think about the fact that they were only seventeen. “I want to be able to hear Michael’s first words and hang up more of his drawings of us and watch him climb up onto the top of the arm chair to try and reach our heights,” Tubbo was crying now as well. “And I want to stay up at three in the morning with you and talk while you mine and pester you about giving me half of your stuff even though you did all of the work.” Staying awake was getting much harder now and Tubbo’s vision was getting fuzzier.

“I finally found peace on the server with you guys and our little family. And I don’t want to leave that behind so soon.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.” Ranboo sucked in a wet breath, “I want that too. All of it.” He couldn’t deal with this. It was too much. The thought of raising Michael without Tubbo. Not being able to see Tubbo play with their son as Ranboo watched the two fondly while laying out more plans for their motel. Living his life without having his other half by his side.

“Maybe… maybe in another life. Yeah, that’d be nice. A life where we could all live together in peace.” Tubbo could barely hear himself speak, his senses fading. He was losing his grip on reality. Why did it have to be so terrifying?

“That sounds great Tubbo. That sounds really really great.” He could see the light slowly leaving Tubbo’s eyes and he held back a sob.

“I love you Ranboo. I love you and Michael so much.” He couldn’t die before saying that. He wished dearly that he would have gotten to see Michael one more time, but he would never want the toddler to see him like this. At least his last memory with Michael was them snuggled in bed together as Ranboo read the two a bedtime story. _I’m sorry Michael, for not getting to be a better parent and help raise you._

Maybe he could at least finally see Tommy again though. If there was any bright side to this situation he might be able to see his best friend once more.

“I love you too Tubbo. I always will. Even after we both die. Even in our next lives. We will always be together. That’s what we swore to each other when we got married, wasn’t it?” Ranboo knew it was true as well. Nothing could break their friendship. Not even death.

“I’ll hold you to that my beloved.”

Tubbo died with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🦀Tubbo is dead🦀
> 
> Kudos and comments would mean the world to me :)


	2. A New Beginning (Second Life Pt.1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Tubbo woke up in a white void he was confused as to why he had awakened at all. He had died. That much he was sure of. So did that mean--
> 
> “Oi dickhead, what the _hell_ are you doing here?”
> 
> Or: Tubbo is back but not how he expected to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally supposed to be longer but I got impatient and wanted to post more so I split it into two parts. Oops.  
> The first bit is kind of dialogue heavy but it gets better after that. Enjoy the read!

When Tubbo woke up in a white void he was confused as to why he had awakened at all. He had died. That much he was sure of. _So did that mean--_

“Oi dickhead, what the _hell_ are you doing here?” Tubbo shot up from off of the ground and spun himself around so quickly that he almost lost his balance. In all of his pissed-off glory stood Tommy with his arms crossed and a glare on his face. Tubbo blinked rapidly and when the image of his best friend didn’t disappear, he launched himself at the younger. Tommy caught him out of surprise and his angry expression melted into something softer as he hugged Tubbo back. 

“I’ve missed you so much big man,” Tubbo cried into Tommy’s chest and tightened his arms around him in fear that he would leave again. 

“I’ve missed you too Tubzo,” Tommy whispered back. “But I did _not_ want to see you here this soon! You were supposed to live a long and fulfilling life Tubbo. With stupid Ranboo and that pig child you two adopted.” With that, the anger returned and he held Tubbo by the shoulders at arms length.

“Zombie piglin,” Tubbo mumbled in correction. “Whatever! You get my point!” Tommy huffed. “It’s… it’s not like I tried to die Tommy. Not anymore.” The feelings of loss that had been momentarily repressed by seeing Tommy again hit him full force. He brought his arms up to wrap around his middle and let his head drop. Tommy’s anger subsided again and he sighed. “I know Tubbo, I’m sorry. I just didn’t want this for you.”

Tubbo lifted his head to look at Tommy and gave him a small smile. “I know you didn’t. I never wanted you to die either. I guess the universe could have been kinder to the both of us.” And wasn’t that true.

“That’s cheating man, you can’t do that man. No es genial, hombre.” The sound of another person startled Tubbo. He searched for the source of the sound and his breath caught when he found it. In a triangle on the ground a good couple of meters away sat Mexican Dream, Schlatt, and Wilbur. Wilbur, the real one. Not Ghostbur. The one who had been an older brother figure to him until he had gone mad and died after destroying his greatest and worst creation. 

An icy fear clawed at his heart at the sight of Schlatt. Schlatt was a trauma that he still wasn’t able to open up about to himself even after all the time that had passed. So he pushed those feelings aside for now and observed the trio. The three of them seemed to be playing poker. It really was an odd picture.

“Yeah, they were all here when I got here. Was a bit weird if I’m being honest. It really is a strange group of people, ay?” Tubbo nodded in response, not entirely sure what to say. He wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to go over there or not. He ended up not having to decide though as DreamXD appeared before him. Tommy spluttered beside him at seeing the god. 

“Tubbo! Big Law, Big Crime. My main man, do I have some fun things planned for you!” XD did a loop de loop in the air and came to hover in front of the two. He ignored the shrill _what the hell?!_ from Tommy and rubbed his hands together mischievously. “How would you like to come back to life?”

Tubbo blanched at him. “Wha--. Back to life? Why didn’t you just heal me before instead of letting me die and bringing me back? This seems like loads more trouble this way” There had to be some kind of twist behind this. Tubbo didn’t believe that this wouldn’t be a gilded deal. 

“Shh. I can’t give you any more of the logistics because then it would spoil the fun. Do you accept?” There had to be some consequences to this, but… being stuck in the void with Wilbur and Schlatt for the rest of his existence didn’t sound all too appealing either. He couldn’t in good conscience just leave Tommy here though. 

“You should take it.” Tubbo blinked at Tommy in surprise. “You should live for yourself for once. Don’t hold yourself back for my sake again. And as much as I hate to admit it, Ranboob and the piglin kid make you happy.” Tubbo felt his heart sink. He just got to see his best friend once more and he was going to be taken from him another time. 

“ _You_ make me happy too Tommy!” Tubbo protested. “Yeah, yeah. Of course I do. I’m Tommy-fucking-Innit,” Tommy grinned in response, “But as your right-hand-man I can’t let you pass up an opportunity like this. Plus, we’ll see each other eventually. I know we will. Because we’re _the duo_. Now I’m done bein’ sappy n’ shit--” Tommy was cut off by another hug. “Oi, I just said I was done being sappy!” His words were contradicted by the tight hold he had on Tubbo though. 

“Love you big man. Thank you for being you.” God, Tubbo was done with heart-wrenching goodbyes today. 

“Yeah alright… love you too. Now go be with your platonic husband or whatever.” Their hug lingered a bit longer, the both of them unwilling to let go. Eventually though, they split apart and Tubbo took a step towards DreamXD. 

“Done with your goodbyes yet? Good, good. Here we go now!” The god swiped his hand across the air and a translucent keyboard and screen appeared. Tubbo watched in fascination as he began rapidly typing in code that he had never seen before. He couldn’t catch most of it because the letters were backwards from his angle but he caught a few words like “ _export_ ” and “ _reincarnate_.” Before he had any time to process what those words might entail, the world went black for the second time that day. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Tubbo next gains awareness he is surrounded by the fluffiness of a blanket and a pair of arms. His body feels _off_ in a way that he had never felt before. It seems disproportionate and _small._ His eyelids are glued shut and it takes an abnormal amount of effort to open them. When he does, he’s met with the sight of what seems to be the masked face of an unfamiliar doctor. 

“Oh! He’s opened his eyes already. It’s quite rare for that to happen so soon. I guess the little one was really excited to see the world,” the doctor chuckled. A feeling of dread overtook Tubbo as the situation began to set in. 

He was a baby. DreamXD had kept his word and brought him back to life, but as a _baby_. A baby that had all the memories of a seventeen year old at that. _What do I do? What_ can _I do_? 

He couldn’t think of an answer for the time being so he turned his head to look at whoever the doctor was talking to--presumably his parents. The parents that had abandoned him on the side of the road in a box, letting his fate be left to nature’s will. 

When his eyes met those of a familiar face, a fragile thing in his chest that he had kept locked up deep inside of him to _ignore_ and _forget_ shattered. 

Near the end he began to realize that Schlatt was his father, but the confirmation hurt a lot more than he had expected it to. It didn’t help that Schlatt looked so young and happy right now, lovingly holding his wife--Tubbo’s _mother_ \--as the couple stared at him in awe. He didn’t look like a dictator. Like someone who would force him to tear down the walls of his nation. Like someone who would force his son who he didn’t know was his son to kick out his friends from their own country and who beat him when he did something wrong. He didn’t look like someone that would order a child to be executed in front of an audience to a festival that he decorated himself.

Tubbo tried to move his thoughts away from the rawness of those mental wounds that never healed and he focused on observing his mother instead. He didn’t have any memories of her. She had died when he was barely a year old. He didn’t even know her name. She looked kind though. Her expression was soft and she had a motherly aura around her even though she had just become one a few minutes ago. 

_I have her eyes_ , Tubbo thought. The idea kind of made him want to cry for some reason. He wondered what his life would have been like if she had survived. If he still would have been abandoned or taken in by Phil. If he would have joined L’Manburg. 

“He’s perfect,” his mother whispered and the doctor handed him off to her to be held. “Do you two have a name picked out for him?” The doctor inquired amicably. His f-- _Schlatt_ nodded.

“Tubbo. His name is Tubbo.” All of a sudden everything felt too overwhelming. He was scared and lost and lonely and he didn’t know what to do. It had been way too much of an emotionally exhausting day. He needed to figure out what was going on and what to do, but for now he gave himself a moment of respite and let himself be held in the comfort of his mother’s embrace. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tubbo comes to the conclusion that he shouldn’t try and change anything yet. He still wants to end up meeting everyone on the SMP because while his life had been painful there, they were all still his family. They were all he knew and he didn’t want to risk the chance of not being able to see them again. He didn’t know how much this world differed from his last life because he had been too young to remember before to compare his circumstances to what they were now. So he tried to act the part of a baby and he tried to pretend that it didn’t hurt to have loving parents who wouldn’t even survive until he had turned seventeen. 

He tried not to cry when Schlatt got off the phone with the hospital and came over to Tubbo’s crib and held him close to his heart while he sobbed over the death of Tubbo’s mother. 

He tried not to cry when Schlatt started drinking. When the pain of his wife’s death became too much so he turned to alcohol as his consolation. When he got fired from his job for coming in to work drunk. When he began gambling to get more money to buy more cigarettes. When he became bankrupt and didn’t have enough money to care for his four year old child. When he grabbed a box from the closet and Tubbo from his bed at night and put them both in the passenger's seat of his car and rode to a road in the countryside in the middle of nowhere deep into the autumn season. When he tossed the box on the side of the road and placed Tubbo inside of it, not giving him a second look once he turned his back to him and drove off. 

He tried not to cry when the nights became colder and he could hear the sounds of mobs outside of his box and his stomach growled in agony and his throat was parched. 

He tried not to cry because he had been through this all before and he should be used to it by now. But he wasn’t and so Tubbo cried. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn’t too long after that Phil found him. He had been heading out to the forest that resided at the end of the road Tubbo was on to pick some wild berries with his sons like they did every year when Tommy had let go of his hand and ran over to look inside of a box he saw. Phil had been about to call his son back to him when Tommy had gasped and shouted for the others to see what he had discovered. Phil sighed and gestured for Techno and Wilbur to come with him and see what animal or toy Tommy had found. To his surprise, a small _very human_ head had popped up from out of the box. 

Phil sucked in a sharp breath and quickly gave the child a once over, not liking the thinness or dirty clothes that he saw. 

“Hey mate, what are you doing out here?” Phil asked the child softly. The kid peered up at him with wide blue doe eyes filled with--relief? 

“My parents left me,” the child replied with more apathy than there should be from a toddler. Well, Phil wasn’t sure how old the kid was but he couldn’t have been older than four. He was so tiny. “I don’t think they’re coming back.” He was surprised by how literate and aware the kid was but that wasn’t a part of his main concerns. 

“Can we keep him dad? Please!” Phil turned to his youngest son who was tugging on his sleeve and pointing excitedly at the child in the box. 

“Another one? Dad, this is starting to become a weird habit,” Wilbur joked from behind him. He walked up to the box and looked the kid up and down before picking him up. The kid melted in Wilbur’s arms and dug his face into Wil’s neck. Phil blanched at his eldest but Wilbur just rolled his eyes at him. “We all knew you were going to say yes anyways.” 

“He’s right. You do tend to adopt orphans that you just so happen to stumble upon. This better be the last one though or we might need to hold an intervention,” Techno agreed, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow at Phil. 

“Ha. Ha. I promise, no more adoption, alright?” Phil turned his attention back to the kid. “Hey mate, what’s your name?” The kid looked up from Wilbur’s neck and faced Phil. “Tubbo.”

“Tubbo huh? Well, welcome to the family Tubbo.” 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Living with Phil, Tommy, Techno, and Wilbur was nice. The domestic atmosphere was all he had ever wanted, he had found out too late in life. It wasn’t perfect by any means. Sometimes he flinched when Wilbur laughed and it sounded a bit too much like the manic laughter Tubbo would hear bouncing off the walls of Pogtopia when he went to report his findings as a spy. Or when Techno mentioned how much he was against the government when he would read a book about how the government was oppressing or hiding things from their people and Phil would agree with him. Or when he would find Tommy sitting on a bench outside and listening to music. 

He felt sickened whenever the other kids would dream of going out on adventures and being heroes or fighting. No one was ever a hero when people fought against each other. War made you strong, but it also tore you apart and made you more vulnerable than before. His body had been a canvas of scars that made him look tougher, but his mind was a minefield of trauma and pain that was waiting to be detonated if someone made a wrong move. 

He had always felt a bit left out of the family dynamic. Tommy had always loved him and he had always loved Tommy, but it was different with the rest of them. He knew they cared, but he wasn’t a brother to Wilbur or Techno and he wasn’t Phil’s son. This feeling was only magnified with the memories of a seventeen year old trapped in a child’s body that set him apart from the others even further and the memories of what his supposed family would do to him in the future. 

Still though, it was nice. When he woke from a nightmare that was more of a memory than a dream, Wilbur had sat next to his bed and got out his guitar, strumming it and singing softly to him to get Tubbo to calm down and fall back asleep. 

One night Tubbo had been out in the forest near their home collecting wood and the nighttime had fallen faster than he had expected it to. The darkness and the pile of sticks blocking his vision caused him to trip on a tree root and twist his ankle. Techno had found him a couple minutes later clutching his leg and he didn’t say a word as he carried him home safely on his back.

Another time when Tubbo had been especially homesick for Ranboo and Michael, he had sat down in a patch of flowers next to the house and started making flower crowns with the alliums surrounding him, eyes watery with longing. Phil had taken a seat next to him and complimented him on his craftsmanship, asking Tubbo to teach him how to make one as well. They had spent the rest of the evening weaving flowers into bracelets, crowns, and necklaces for the others. 

A different night when Tubbo had been triggered by the claustrophobia that never went away after Schlatt had trapped him in that box, Tommy had brought him up to the roof and set blankets down for them to lay on as they watched the stars. Tommy had kept creating new constellations that he insisted already existed and gave them all names and backstories to make Tubbo laugh. 

So it was nice. It was nice, but it felt like he was living a lie. It felt like the calm before the storm, and really that’s what it was. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tubbo equally couldn’t wait and dreaded when Wilbur declared that he was going to go off and travel. To find a piece of land to call his own and forge it with his own hands. Phil had been a bit wary at first but Wilbur argued that he was twenty-three and he promised to write often. Phil had agreed but then Tommy pleaded to let him and Tubbo come along as well. Phil was very reluctant to let the fifteen and sixteen year old tag along but Wilbur swore to look after the two of them and after the countless requests had worn him down, Phil grudgingly accepted. 

A few days before the three were set to take off, a letter had arrived in the mail for Wilbur. A couple of his friends from when he had gone to stay at another village for a month a while back had made a small new community and they were looking for other people to join them. _Dream_ , Tubbo thought dully. The Dream Team along with the other founding members were those friends. It was really happening. 

Wilbur had brightened at the opportunity and quickly sent a response accepting the invitation. The three said their goodbyes to Techno and Phil, promising to tell them if anything went wrong--a lie, Tubbo knew--and they went on their way. 

The journey to the Dream SMP from their house was a long one. About a week’s worth of walking if they didn’t take too many breaks. Along the way Wilbur and Tommy debated over what it would be like once they arrived. What it would be like after they made it their own. Neither of them came close to what it would really be like of course. Their thoughts were too optimistic for that. 

Still, Tubbo had forgotten about this. He can’t remember what he had thought the SMP was going to be like before he lived it. Maybe he was just hoping they’d be able to get some bees. 

After the arduous but fun journey filled with campfire songs that Wilbur sung to them with his guitar and dumb bets that Tommy made, they had arrived at the coordinates on the invite. Though he had been expecting it, seeing the SMP so bare was extremely strange. It looked naked without all of the builds that had been scattered about throughout time. Without all of the rich history that is once held. Heck, even not seeing the invasive evil red egg was weird. It was a clean slate. 

But Tubbo had resolved to not change the course of history. At least, not yet. Not until he knew that he could see Ranboo again. So he played along like he had never lived these events before. He returned Tommy’s enthusiasm when he had grinned and shoved Mellohi and Cat in his face as he proudly explained his skill in getting Mellohi and his luck in finding Cat. He played the part of an outside mediator when Sapnap, Tommy, and Ponk had their disputes over griefing and stealing and lemon trees. He fought by Tommy’s side when Dream stole the discs for the first time, though the atmosphere had been much lighter back then and it was still mostly fun and games. He watched Tommy burn down his first house and he built his jungle base once more.

He saw the beginnings of L’Manburg in the form of a van full of drugs. To think that it all started from this. From drugs and fun and jokes about bees and carrots. Oh how history was unforgiving to them. 

He looked at Wilbur declaring that he was going to build a new nation and demanding independence from Dream and his SMP and he was reminded of why he used to admire Wilbur. Why he followed him blindly and trusted him with his whole being to do what was right because Wilbur was his pillar of justice that he did not see was hollow on the inside until he started to crack. But for now he still held strong and proud as he rallied his people and did what no person on the server had thought to do before. 

Tubbo braced himself for the explosive response from the Dream Team. From the first taste of a real _war_ and not just _battle_ on the SMP. From the first taste of death and betrayal as Eret rattled off his famous one-liner and enemies burst through the walls and swords through their chests. 

Dying never got easier. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tubbo forgot just how early on Tommy had lost two out of his three lives. He had always seemed so unkillable for so long that it was easy to forget. Tubbo knows that he’s a bad person as he let’s Wibur count off the ten paces and he watches his best friend die again within the span of mere hours. 

He knows he’s a bad person as he watches Tommy give up his most prized possessions for a country doomed to fail again and again, leaving a bigger crater in their hearts and in the ground each time. He knows he’s a bad person when he cheers for their victory and sings the song of their independence when he holds the knowledge that L’Manburg was never and will never be truly free. Won’t be the vision of freedom that they dreamed it to be.

He knows he’s a bad person when Wilbur declares himself president, Tommy as his vice, and Tubbo as his secretary of state, but then decides to hold an election instead. He knows he’s a bad person when he proceeds over the debates in court between Pog2020 and Swag2020. He knows he’s a bad person as he sees Schlatt declare his own campaign in a drunken stupor. 

He knows he’s a bad person because he knew all of this was going to happen and he didn’t stop any of it.

The pit in his stomach grows and he knows that he is not a good person. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s all about to go downhill tomorrow. Tomorrow the SMP will never be the same and Tubbo will be to blame for not changing it. But Tubbo is selfish and he’s accepted it because he can bare the guilt if it means that he gets to see Ranboo again. He’s also scared of what will happen if he intervenes too much this early on into the SMP. He doesn’t know what the repercussions would be and the uncertainty makes him uneasy. Maybe it’s just him trying to justify his actions to himself though. Not that he could ever be forgiven anyways. 

The others are confident in their victory and they hold their heads high that night, but before they all head off to bed, Tubbo catches Wilbur outside of his room and hugs him. Wilbur stares down at Tubbo in surprise as he returns the embrace but he writes off the out of character action to nervousness for tomorrow. Which he isn’t technically wrong about. 

Tubbo buries his face into Wilbur’s L’Manburg uniform and tries to capture this image to remember Wilbur for how he once was before he begins to spiral into insanity. 

Eventually though, he tears himself away from the warmth of his former idol and retreats back into his own room. He feels empty when he goes to sleep.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s the day of the election and Tubbo has steeled himself for the up and coming events the best that he could. He doesn’t know why everything hurts so much more this time around when he should be more prepared for the pain that he had already lived through. He just feels tired. 

Wilbur was stood on the podium, envelope open as he read out the results of the ballot. The moment of hope Tommy had, cheering at their victory, was crushed in a matter of seconds at the new information of the coalition’s deal. Everyone except the coalition and Tubbo was frozen in shock as the new president cackled and made his way up to the microphone. 

“My first decree as the President of L’Manburg--the _Emperor_ ! Is to _revoke_ the citizenship of Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit.” 

Somehow it’s different seeing Schlatt now. After he had remembered his childhood this time. After he had seen the loving side of Schlatt and found out what had driven him to be the man he had died being. 

It still didn’t stop Tubbo from hating him.

The two in question finally snap out of their shock and Wilbur drags Tommy away from the audience by his sleeve as the situation catches up to him. Schlatt orders the other attendees to attack the fleeing figures and they listen to him. Tubbo tries following them like he did before, hoping somewhere deep down that he actually manages to escape soundly with them this time. He doesn’t.

Schlatt calls his name out and Tubbo prepares himself as best as he can for the first level of his own personal Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still no Ranboo Sadge. He's coming soon though, don't worry. 
> 
> Kudos and comments would mean the world to me :)


End file.
